Strawmansplaining

Audio Here

It’s me again and, yes, I want to address a couple of things but more bullshit has been happening so this will have to be broken up and addressed over a couple of posts.

Obviously, if you’ve read my previous posts, you know I don’t care about a bunch of the people who still frequent that discord. As far as I’m concerned they are basically terrible/misguided people who enable and encourage some pretty despicable behaviour by the person running the joint because it suits them to do so.

This post isn’t for them.

It’s for you.

EROS stood up recently and had a bit of a go at those of us who no longer support him. He accused us of believing you, as a community, are uneducated, stupid morons. Because, of course, if he’s manipulating you, you must be morons, right? You couldn’t possibly have made the choice to stay and support him. No, you’ve been brainwashed. Apparently we are taking away your agency as women and your right to choose.

Sigh. Look, as much as I love it when a cis white man stands up and preaches about women’s choice and agency… I really need to refute what he’s said because, quite frankly, it’s a load of utter horseshit.

Do I think the man is manipulative? Yes. One thousand times yes. I can point out several manipulative tactics in his latest diatribe alone.

Do I think you are all stupid for staying on that discord? No. I’ve never said that, nor would I ever say that. I also wouldn’t associate with people who believe that. I was on the discord for almost a year, remember?

You all have your reasons for staying there and I get wanting to stay in a place that brings you comfort or friendship or any other number of positive things.
Hell, I even understand those of you who have gone to the lengths of removing your twitter accounts. I realise that it’s probably easier to delete your accounts than to have to decide whether to treat us like pariahs or face becoming collateral damage for simply liking the wrong tweet. I also realise some of you simply don’t like seeing the constant back and forth happening on there at the moment.

Do I wish some of you would step back and look at things a little more critically? Or maybe not automatically believe every single thing that comes out of the guy’s mouth? Sure. Of course I do.

I still speak with people who are members of that discord.
I still am friendly with people who are members of that discord.
I was vocal on that discord and I will continue to be vocal off that discord.
A lot of you knew me on there. I haven’t changed. I’m the same person now as I was when I was on there.
I wasn’t hateful, I wasn’t mean. I didn’t ignore people. I didn’t climb my way through groups of friends to get to the man at the top. Could I have? Most definitely. I had ample opportunity to befriend those he kept close to him, but I wasn’t about to become buddies with people purely because of their proximity to him. Friendship doesn’t work that way. At least not for me.
Yes, at one stage, I was one of the people who played with him more than others. I’m sure some of you disliked me because of it. But I didn’t go out of my way to be there. I didn’t seek out and befriend the people close to him in order to be there. I was just being me. Apparently, at the time, he actually enjoyed my company. I don’t blame him. I can be quite charming.

Anyway, all of this to say: I don’t think you are stupid or dumb or any of the other horrible words he spewed during his speech. I don’t expect you to choose between us, however I know for a fact that if you do support me, or like my tweets, you run the risk of being removed from his sphere – despite his fervent claims that he doesn’t care who you are friends with. So, keep that in mind.
If you don’t believe me, just ask Pickles. She was one of his biggest supporters and someone who was always there for him, for almost 14mths. Unfortunately he decided she was “sus” for merely associating with me and believing my word over his when my dealings with S were called into question. Of course, she’d seen my final conversations with S so knew what he was saying didn’t line up with the truth. Whether he was lying or he’d been lied to, we’ll never know.

I want to end this by saying that the only people I judge for remaining on that discord, are the ones that I know are well aware of everything that has occurred on there. The ones I’ve had lengthy conversations with about this situation. They’ve added pieces of information. They’ve agreed with everything I’ve said, and with everything others have said about his behaviour. Yet they have made the conscious decision afterward to remain there and continue lending him their support – rather passionately, I might add. Cheering him on, encouraging him, agreeing with him, even when they know the truth of the matter and they know that we know. Even when he is talking shit about us, the people they were agreeing with only days earlier.

I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve support. Quite the opposite, I think he needs it. Unfortunately he’s getting the wrong kind of support right now from the wrong kinds of people and I will never, ever understand another woman knowing everything I know – and more – and still deciding that he’s the one person who deserves support in this. Never.

I think it says a hell of a lot when a person can be privy to the same things I have been privy to – and more, yet the only time they truly get upset is when the man mistreats them. If someone only truly cares when something affects them, personally, that’s a major red flag for me.

Oh, one final point. I don’t think that discord is great for mental health. I think it can become a kind of crutch quite easily for some. I know it did for me when I was going through some things. My anxiety was worse. My depression was worse. I found myself toning down parts of my personality so as not to upset the guy in charge. I was becoming more sensitive to things, crying about things that normally wouldn’t have affected me. I’m not a big crier.
I just don’t think it’s the greatest environment and, if you’ve noticed your anxiety has been worse since being on there, I would seriously give some thought to taking a break and seeing if you feel better once you’ve given it a decent amount of space.

As someone who has been through and come out the other side. It’s nice here. It’s not scary. I know that, for some of you, you believe that discord is the only thing you have. I’m here to tell you it’s not.
But if you feel like you need to unfollow me in order to protect your place there, it’s okay. I won’t hold it against you.

Take care of yourselves <3

P.S. Disrespectfully, from Babe, leave Sweets outta your shit.