This was supposed to be a 2023 wrap-up type thing but took me a while to write because I’ve been busy doing about a bajillion things that had to take priority. Yes, contrary to what some might believe, I do have a life lol. The post ended up getting put on the back-burner as I deliberated over whether or not to bother posting it.
I had thought to leave this blog behind, not entirely mind you as I think it’s important for it to remain published and accessible, I just had no immediate plans to post here again. It was actually the EROS anon accounts that helped change my mind. When I saw that those accounts had used my name in connection with claims of doxing and other unfounded accusations, I decided that this blog would continue to be reposted. If he is okay with his “friends” lying about me (and Pickles) on his behalf, then I have no problem dedicating a small portion of my time to making sure the general public is aware of the kind of behaviour he allows and encourages within that community and his behaviour in general.
I want to be clear, when I say “we” in this blog I am only speaking about me and my closest friends. I am absolutely not including anyone else I happen to hang around with or associate with occasionally and am not speaking for anyone else who has spoken out about EROS. Just because a content creator has many detractors doesn’t mean they are all aligned in how they view, approach or deal with matters. These are my opinions alone unless I specifically state otherwise.
This post is probably not going to be received well by a lot of people but my friends and I have been lied about and attacked for an entire year so I don’t really care if you don’t like what I have to say in here. This is what happened, this is what I experienced. It’s not all of it, but it’s what I am willing to share right now.
The situation with EROS panned out the way I assumed it would. Early on I actually thought we had a chance at being believed, what with his business partner finally seeming to be sick of his shit. I thought, “here’s a woman his supporters actually like and respect – surely they will listen to her”. When she remained silent I thought, “surely people will wonder why, this time, she’s not standing up for her so-called best friend and put two and two together”. As time went on it became clear to me what was transpiring behind the scenes and that we couldn’t rely on her to publicly add credence to what we were saying, which was unfortunate but ultimately understandable considering the circumstances. When you’ve been associating with problematic people, distancing yourself is a hell of a lot easier than speaking out.
Once I realised that, I kinda knew how this was all going to pan out. After all, it’s happened twice before. I know that I was well-liked within his community and I know that it helped initially to get people to listen. I wasn’t some relatively unknown element that he could play the “scorned or lunatic woman” card against easily, though that didn’t stop him trying. I didn’t have a sexual or intimate connection to Eros so, when it came to him and his actions, I was able to be somewhat clinical in my blog posts. I didn’t let anyone dictate what I wrote on here and I made sure everything I wrote was backed up by screenshots or some other form of proof – whether I published said proof or not. Unfortunately none of that made any difference.
Once the lies and disinformation started, once the anons came into play, I knew it wouldn’t matter. People began sharing information that only really aided in supporting his narrative. History suddenly began repeating in front of our eyes and I couldn’t understand why some people were sharing things that had already been discounted or brushed aside on multiple occasions in the past. Did they have new information? Did they have proof? To me it seemed as though he was intentionally being given a “way out”, something he could simply point to and say “look, this is nothing new, it’s the same tired old shit from two years ago” and, initially, I couldn’t understand why.
Suddenly the narrative was all about his detractors sharing “old lies” and “fake” screenshots. You’ve all heard it countless times before. It’s one of his favourite scripts. Everyone was ignoring all the actual proven lies he told in the previous months, years. The lies and contradictions about the power imbalance present on his discord, the sexting, his discord being a safe space, sex work, the fact he said would never take advantage of his fanbase in that way. It was all easily disregarded because everyone was made to focus on “minors in the discord” based on an old screenshot that was easily disputed and dismissed. Sure, lots of people talk about it. I’ve been told myself about the previous discord and how minors were present at one stage, I’ve been told by his ex business partner about “teen girlfriends”, but regardless of how high up the chain those claims originated, noone has ever offered up any proof. Whether that’s because certain people had to protect their own asses, because the constant server resets made it difficult to keep tabs, or because it was simply untrue I don’t know. But whatever the case may be it gave him a way to undermine absolutely everyone speaking out against him and, to me, it seemed orchestrated in the way it played out so predictably.
And, well, turns out it kinda was.
As I found out, certain people were allegedly being misled by J into creating accounts and sharing pieces of information they had been handed about EROS and his discord. Those people thought they were doing the right thing but had placed their trust in the wrong person. I had noticed that J was telling one friend something while telling another friend something entirely contradictory and their behaviour seemed to change to suit depending on who they were speaking with. Once I realised the extent of what was going on, it was too late, and trying to raise the topic to either friend didn’t exactly go down well because J was very well liked, very well respected and, apparently, just as good a manipulator as EROS himself.
Once those people were finally made aware that their trust was misplaced, their social media pages were deactivated. Unfortunately some reactionary knee-jerk comments were posted in reply to attacks they faced on socials that suggested their actions were based on a lie – not sure why the comment was worded in the way it was. Not gonna try and figure that out because at this point I don’t really give a shit. But, once again, the anons immediately jumped on it and took advantage, using it as a way to discredit every single thing being said about EROS and demand apologies from all of his detractors for “lying”. They posted holier than thou rants on their accounts, claiming they were right all along, naming those of us speaking out, implying we have been involved in illegal activities against EROS and that it was “all based on a lie”. All because of one reactionary comment.
His supporters did what they always do and just took the anon’s word as gospel because any excuse to justify their continued support of this man was apparently good enough for them.
Anyway, despite all the noise, there was still information out there that was more than enough for women to stop and think about his behaviour over the past three years, if they wanted to. And I think that truly is the crux of the issue. There is plenty of information that is credible, honest and factual that points to a VA abusing his position with his fans. If people want to listen to it, they will. If they don’t want to hear it, they won’t. For those people, it won’t matter what information comes out, they simply won’t care. The NGL page was dismissed as whining “losers” and certainly nothing I had to say was about to sway anyone. After all, it’s not like I’m sharing a salacious tale here. I think a lot of the people following this want the dirt, they want the screenshots and I think, for some, the lack of screenshots is an easy justification to continue to support him. They can point and say “see, it’s all just hearsay, noone ever shows proof”. They are well aware that most people aren’t going to feel comfortable sharing those kinds of intimate screenshots publicly, even if it proves he’s a liar, so they feel comfortable enough to continue supporting him. And it’s not just about the intimate nature of those conversations and interactions. The people who share things are publicly lambasted by an entire community. Hell, people are shunned without even sharing anything. All you have to do is leave that community, even if quietly, and your “friends” block you the moment they see he isn’t following you anymore. You can be the sweetest person on the fucking planet and you will be blocked by women you thought were your friends, simply because you no longer share a particular space with them. If you do speak out, well, you then run the risk of making your real friends collateral damage because they too will be targeted. Sound familiar? Yeah, I’m sure you’ve watched plenty of documentaries on that kind of behaviour. At any rate, I’m not here to post screenshots for people to drool over.
Besides, when everyone supporting him were clamouring for proof of the claims being made, someone did come forward and shared as much as they were comfortable sharing, including screenshots, and his supporters either dismissed or shamed her.
At the very least she proved that vulnerable women were being taken advantage of in his self-declared “safe space” but his supporters didn’t care, they just twisted everything to suit their narrative as usual, so I’m not sure what kind of proof they would require. I suppose, for some women, it would take something illegal for them to care. Then again, some would probably make excuses, victim blame, and continue their support regardless.
Accountability was never going to happen the moment he started running damage control and doubled down on the lies. There’s no return from that and I was prepared to accept it, I basically just wanted the information out there for new followers and the women I cared about. That’s not to say I’m not annoyed by it, of course I am. What I wasn’t expecting, however, was the degree to which we have been attacked in response, both by him and his fans – some of whom were women we knew and were friendly with. I expected his mods, OGs and most fanatic supporters to impulsively attack us, sure, I mean we’ve seen it happen time and time again. I didn’t expect the lengths they would go to on his behalf. I didn’t expect my friends to receive threatening messages and emails, impersonation accounts to be created, the messaging under false pretenses, the constant blatant lying, the infuriating twisting of every. single. fucking. word. we. typed. Hell, there were anon accounts mirroring Pickles’ manner of speech and phrasing in order to discredit her, and the Eros-Anons were happy to jump on board and run with it.
I found the constant changing of narratives and the dirty games they were playing in order to mislead the public and his supporters infuriating, frustrating and very hard to ignore. It’s one thing to deny what people are saying about you, it’s an entirely different matter when you weaponise your fanbase against the women speaking out and attempt to discredit them by spreading lies and disinformation or attacking them personally. It was so fucking tiresome.
I’ve always thought that this would have been very different had he just accepted what women were saying about his behaviour and admitted he should have behaved and handled things better. Even if he honestly didn’t mean to do anything wrong (which I don’t believe for a second), he was being told by multiple women, over the past three years, that he had. That he had lied and misled and that he had abused his position or hurt them. If he was a decent man, he would have simply apologised for the hurt he caused, you know, in the way he’s constantly claiming men should, he would have taken some kind of responsibility, especially considering the things I’ve said he’s done in this blog have all been true. Instead he went the reactive abuse route and doubled-down, going after us, painting us as “crazy women”. Fucking women, amirite? So hard being a desirable man with all these unhinged fucking women around. How misogynistically cliché can you get? He basically did the thing he’s always berating other men for. Because when he berates other men, it makes him look like a good guy, right? Practicing what he preaches, though? Nah, he’s the consummate victim.
For me, this ended up becoming less about him taking accountability for his actions and more about reaching the people in his discord that I still cared about and that I hoped still cared about me enough to listen and think about what was being said. Finding out he was sexting certain women was bad enough. Knowing them, their vulnerabilities, it really pissed me off and I knew they were better off far away from him and the toxic environment he created and behaviour he encouraged in that “community”.
Some women did listen and they did leave. So, in that regard, I consider everything experienced last year worth it. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t change anything were I to do it over. Not at all. Hindsight n all that.
Regrets, I have a few
I have been truthful in my dealings with people from that discord but I’m not perfect. If I didn’t want to share information, I didn’t. I wouldn’t lie, but I would steer the conversation away from people I didn’t want to discuss or topics that weren’t mine to discuss. I was just one of the people who decided to speak out about a VA who had lied repeatedly and abused his position with his fanbase and we were being lied about and attacked for it. I wanted the truth and, unfortunately, my trust had already been broken. There were so many examples of duplicitous behaviour in that discord that was being fostered and subtly encouraged that I didn’t trust many people from there to be honest. I also knew that everything I said would likely be screenshot and shared in group chats or to people I absolutely didn’t trust.
That being said, I rarely actually approached people about the discord or EROS. I didn’t want to bother people with it and, like I’ve said, trust is difficult for me. I think in the time I have been out of that place I have reached out to, maybe, four people and that was usually to check in on them because I was concerned about social media posts they had made. Everyone else I have spoken with has contacted me, either to ask a question about something discord related or to share their own experience or thank me for speaking out. If people asked me about specific things and I was able to give them an answer I would. One former member asked me if I knew the details surrounding her being booted. I knew who was responsible and how it happened, so I told her.
I’m a grown woman, I wasn’t scared or worried about speaking about that discord, it’s not like I was lying, I don’t have some fancy career to protect and I wasn’t sexting the guy so he didn’t have any compromising conversations or media of me that I had to factor in to my decision. Now, I’m not suggesting he would share those files, I have no idea if he has even kept copies of the nudes he’s been sent by patrons. I’m merely pointing out that it’s a genuine concern for some of the women who were sexting him, and something they definitely take into account when choosing to approach people or potentially speak about their experiences in the discord. Obviously, when men you’ve been sexting behave problematically and you are considering speaking out about it, one of the first thoughts that will go through your head is, “he has my nudes” especially if your face or any other identifying features happens to be in them.
The only time I was really reluctant to share things was if it would cause problems for people who didn’t deserve it, or for the person who shared it with me. Some people, however, simply didn’t deserve that kind of grace or consideration from me, and still don’t – basically I’m not about to protect people who have proven to be deceitful sacks of shit. And anyone who thinks “private msg etiquette” is more important than exposing alleged predatory behaviour by men within communities largely populated by women, needs to reevaluate their priorities. That kind of behaviour usually does happen behind closed doors, for obvious reasons, so raving about “private messages staying private” only really benefits the people engaging in said behaviours.
Most people, by default, do prefer to keep private messages private – myself included – it kinda goes without saying. So, when people bang on about it incessantly, there’s usually an element of self-preservation involved because they are the ones with the most to worry about when people do share private messages. It’s often a thinly veiled warning to those they are preaching about.
To their supporters it’s “sharing private messages is bad, we don’t like people who do that” but to the people who have the potential to share damning private messages it’s “if you share those private messages of me, my community are now primed to tear you to shreds. Oh, and don’t forget we both have access to those conversations”.
I’m not naive enough to think all the conversations had with him were polite, friendly and warm. I am 100% sure that women who thought they were getting close to him told him things about other women in the community, things about their so-called friends, things they would hate to be made public. Not many people have private messages they’d be comfortable sharing without first redacting certain parts. That’s why all those screenshots you all love sharing are so heavily cropped. You should probably think about that whenever someone shares a pathetic little cropped message with you. Ask them what the preceding conversation was about that led to the remark they’ve chosen to so generously share.
Honestly, the amount of noise I see about the audacity of sharing private messages from that community is ridiculous. That’s where your moral line is drawn? Really?
There is one specific thing I really regret doing. It’s the one time I allowed someone to influence what I posted on my socials. This was the very first time I had spoken to J. It didn’t sit well with me when I did it. I am almost positive I know why I was asked to post it – I believe she wanted to create distance between us or wanted to give the impression that we were not aligned in our feelings. I believe she wanted distance from anyone involved in calling out EROS. She didn’t want to be seen to be involved, even though she was. Actively. And she was poking the bear which, considering I was being told that she was just another victim who wanted to disappear, seemed like counter-productive behaviour that would only serve to rile EROS up.
Some of you who read it at the time and know me probably wondered why I tweeted it because it was out of character and out of left field. The tweet was a request. A request I should have denied at the time but I was a fucking idiot. Mind you, I was originally asked to post something worse than this, this was my attempt at softening it because I felt weird posting anything at all since I intentionally hadn’t mentioned J until this requested tweet. But I was asked to do it, and I obliged. I deleted it not long later, but I have no idea how many times it was pointed to or used as a way to paint me in a certain light to certain people. The damage was probably done instantly.
When a person truly wants nothing to do with a situation, they will have nothing to do with it. If you don’t want to share your opinion, if you don’t want to make a public statement or bring any attention to yourself, then you don’t. Speaking to people privately about it, sharing personal information about other people, gossiping and lying behind the scenes, influencing & manipulating people behind the scenes or playing both sides in a situation – that’s not distancing yourself. Don’t just say you need to be a ghost. Be a fucking ghost.
Don’t make things worse for those of us trying to do the right thing in order to save your own paranoid ass that didn’t even need saving in the first fucking place.
It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times
When Eros speaks about his detractors being “jealous” individuals, he is implying that we are jealous of the people who become close to him, because we want to be close to him, so we then turn on them, and him. All I can say to that is that it’s incredibly arrogant for a man to assume issues between female friends all boil down to jealousy over him. Talk about a gross oversimplification and overinflated sense of self-importance.
I would be lying if I said I never sought it, but male validation has never been a priority in my life and, unlike some, I certainly wouldn’t prioritise it over the women in my life. Being jealous because a male content creator is giving more attention to someone else? Please. I suspect the reason some women are booted is because we aren’t quite jealous enough for his liking. We aren’t prioritising him quite enough.
I considered Eros a gaming buddy, not really a friend. I didn’t know him so I could never honestly consider him a friend. I wasn’t ever totally comfortable with Eros and was very rarely able to be myself around him. I was always worried about being honest with him or playing around like I do with all my other gaming buddies. I knew how he was when it came to familiarity, or the assumption of familiarity, and he had a knack for putting you in your place if he decided you were overstepping. Which is fine – I was always aware of the boundary that existed between him and his patrons (or so I thought at the time) – though it kinda flies in the face of the things he’s been saying since being called out. Eros and I didn’t spend time together chatting like friends would. I wasn’t someone who would use any excuse to DM him. I rarely messaged him because I didn’t want to bother him and, besides, it was always made clear to us that he didn’t want patrons messaging him. If it was ever mentioned that you were thinking of DMing him, other women would caution you against doing so. Whether that was to protect his space or because they were being “territorial”, who fucking knows. Once S** became closer to him I would just defer to her on the rare occasion something came up I thought he should know about. She made it pretty clear that she was txting him regularly so I figured she was the person to speak to to avoid bothering him about discord stuff. Once in a blue moon I would bring something to her attention and she would let me know if she thought it was worth me mentioning it to him, or she would take it to him herself. It didn’t happen often, usually when the discord was discussed in our group chat it was because she was telling us something she’d been privy to or gotten wind of. Mostly my conversations with him were about gaming.
We grouped up to play games regularly for a while there but often he was muted and, in hindsight, probably busy doing other things. There was a period during my membership where a small group of us did have a lot of fun gaming together late at night. Those were some of my favourite memories of that place and it’s a shame they have been marred by what I now know and how me and my friends have been treated by his community.
On the rare occasion I did speak to him about something, the conversations usually felt somewhat awkward for me because I never knew who I was talking to and, more often than not, I came away feeling like the interaction had been contrived or false. We could be having a brief, casual gaming chat and he would end it with a pet name like “bby” or “love” and I’d leave thinking, “wtf, dude, where did that come from”. Like, imagine if a male gaming buddy suddenly called you “love”. That’s how it felt to me. I feel like his boundaries were so murky and muddled that even he had issues himself keeping them straight with people. That or he did it intentionally to keep the women he was speaking to guessing and confused.
If the conversation was about something he had done, he didn’t treat me with what I would call respect, let alone friendship. The second last conversation I had with him was due to the fact he had made a backhanded comment in WoW guild chat that I felt was aimed at me. I messaged him and called him out on it because, by that stage, I was getting sick of the passive-aggressive and often snide bullshit I was picking up from him and a couple other members of his discord. He confirmed it was aimed at me and gave me his ridiculous justification for being a dick, I replied and he chose to ignore me. The next time he messaged me, the second time he had ever messaged me, was to boot me from the community.
I think that’s probably a large reason why it irritated me so much when he lied to Pickles about our final conversation (apparently I verbally spat in his face) and claimed he considered us friends. As Pickles said to him at the time, a friend would have had an actual conversation to find out why their friend “seemed unhappy”. The one time I went to him to speak about something he’d said, he decided it wasn’t worth the time or effort to sort out.
I guess he was expecting compliance from me and not a conversation.
He was a content creator I supported and played games with. That’s all. He was not a friend to me. He’s the one who claimed that. Not me.
Could we have become friends? If he was actually a decent person, sure.
You are probably reading this, wondering why I am so comfortable sitting here, ruminating on and dissecting his behaviour so publicly like this. Well, allow me to enlighten you. This is why:
I’m perfectly comfortable dissecting his behaviour because this is a man who is perfectly comfortable allowing his mods and OGs to spread blatant lies about me. I think people deserve to know the truth and while parasites like Hallowseve exist, and their posts about me remain public, so will this blog. At least that way, when people search EROS and come across the lies posted about me, they will also find my socials and my blog and the truth.
Since being out, I’ve learned that secrecy and deception was a common thing that crept into many friendship groups on that discord, especially once he began sexting the women within them – or some of the women within them. Whether it was friendship or sexual interaction, you weren’t to talk about it, not even with your closest friends. It was like the dirty little secret of the discord. If asked who else he was speaking with, he would lie and claim he only trusted you or a few when, in actual fact, he was often sexting you and your friend/s in tandem. His actions encouraged a competitive, deceptive, mean-girl atmosphere in his discord. The only loyalty you owed, the only loyalty that was important was your loyalty to him.
I only know of one group of girls who were open with one another about what was going on between him and each of them. Surprise, surprise, he hasn’t exactly been kind about women from that particular “region” since this all blew up.
How dare they speak with one another about the fact they were all sexting a self-proclaimed sex worker. The audacity.
Lying liars who lie
I think I was lied and gossiped about more last year than I have been my entire life. I’m guessing most of the lies I’m aware of weren’t supposed to make their way back to me but people like to talk.
I’m going to share a few of the things that were told to me. When it comes to the things being said specifically about me or my friends, some of them I’ve seen screenshots of, others were just repeated to me. I don’t know if those people were telling the truth in every instance or not but I can’t think of any motive for them to have lied that makes any real sense so I am fairly certain these things were actually all said and done.
Not too long after being booted from the discord, I was told by J** that Eros had stated that I was “always trying to sext him”. I don’t even know if he actually said this. I’m inclined to believe he did considering it’s his “thing” to claim women want him or were trying to sext him and would take advantage of him – not the other way around. Obviously I never tried to sext him. I believed him when he said he didn’t engage in that kind of thing with his patrons. I respected him for that and never even thought to engage with him that way. Yes, he claimed he was a sex worker, but he also claimed constantly to hate being treated like a sex object. When I signed up for the patreon, what I was paying for primarily was access to a discord advertised as a safe space for women online, secondary to that was his nsfw audios (I honestly preferred the sfw ones). The discord was not a “sex” discord, despite his adult audios. With the exception of the odd nsfw listening party, it was predominantly a gaming discord and place for discussion. He always stated that we weren’t entitled to him. Paying for the patreon didn’t grant access to him and that was something that would never happen. I also knew a month into my membership that he had a girlfriend, a girlfriend who was very young, very much present and didn’t exactly seem to be dealing with the situation very well. If he had tried anything with me in DM, I would have immediately wondered what the fuck he was doing and whether she was aware of it. Were her friends aware of it? Despite all of this and, contrary to the message he was constantly declaring, he would often become offended if you were to say you were there for the gaming and community, as though it was a personal insult that you didn’t get off on his audios. There were a lot of mixed messages in that place.
When he was called out publicly, after the initial denial, he admitted to sexting “outside of work hours”, which was a lie. He would say that he’s a man and, as such, feelings would inevitably grow between him and certain women he was attracted to. What he did in his personal life, during his downtime was noone’s business. At a later date he fell back on using sex work to justify what he was doing. Thing is, though, if he is sexting outside of work hours, he is no longer engaging in sex work, is he? He is just a dude, at home, sexting multiple women – women whose personal stories and vulnerabilities have been laid bare on his supposed safe space of a discord. His place of business. Which he previously stated he doesn’t use for sexting.
If he is a sex worker and the sexting was on the clock (which it was), why is it so secretive and why is he always leaving confused and upset women in his wake? Don’t tell me they all misunderstood and “took things too far” with him.
What was it he said to me when I approached him to ask about the things I was hearing outside of the discord? That’s right, “if they make it weird or take anything way more serious than intended, light flirting or even messaging suggestively, they get cut off”. Okay, sure.
I had names, by the way, names of women who had allegedly been sexting him only to be booted from the discord. I’m not stupid, unlike some, regardless of how much I wanted to believe him, I’m not going to approach a man online and share with him the names of women claiming he took advantage of them. That didn’t stop him sharing one with me, however. He threw out his usual copypaste bullshit about “people overblowing their own significance because I said one or two nice things to them that they took as flirting”. Once he decided I didn’t know shit, or maybe it was because I acted apologetic for even asking, he suddenly threw an ex-patron’s name into the mix.
“it was probably related to A********* since she got banned. I think I may have drunkenly sent a saucy vm once or twice long ago”.
“A*********”. A name I hadn’t already been told. That was when I knew, for certain, that he was lying to me and his entire community about his discord being a safe space and how it was being operated. Just how many women were there? How’d he decide on that particular name? Did he pull it out of a hat? Roll a fucking d20? Of course not. I don’t think it was a coincidence that the name he threw out at me just happened to be the person S** had been responsible for getting banned.
I just don’t know why she was so determined to have A********* booted when she did, but I have my suspicions and I suspect that’s why he chose to throw that particular name at me. He probably figured it’s a name I already knew and it might stop me asking questions.
Anyway, what’s more believable, that he’s just a poor, misunderstood man who multitudes of women take advantage of and, when they don’t get what they want they turn on him? That they take things too far because they misunderstand and want more than “light flirting” and that this has happened countless times over the past few years?
Or that a man on the internet running a discord full of women who view him as somewhat of a mini-celebrity and froth over his voice has let the attention go to his head, has not lived up to his word and hasn’t had clear boundaries when it comes to those women. Has given mixed messages, led women on and his behaviour has encouraged parasocial relationships to develop to the point that women end up being hurt when he decides he doesn’t want to entertain them any longer?
You tell me.
I’ve been made aware of him talking shit about me privately on a few occasions.
I was once told that my blog was brought up by him during a conversation with a friend of mine in which he referred to me as “unhinged” and implied that I was an unsafe person to be around. I guess this was an attempt to influence their opinion of me. He’s told people I “never liked them anyway”, so he doesn’t understand why they are reading or listening to my blog.
And before anyone jumps to his defence to defend his trashing of me behind the scenes because I am “trashing him” on my blog – I am calling out a content creator for his lies and problematic behaviour with women. He’s trashing me because I am calling him out. I haven’t lied in my blog. Besides, why is he doing it all clandestinely? I guess it’s pretty bad for the “I’m-not-like-other-guys” image when a man attacks a woman who is calling him out for predatory behaviour. Better to weaponise the fanbase and let the girls handle it from behind their anon accounts.
I was told that the OGs informed J that I was behind an anonymous account calling her out. She went on to tell people I was behind it. I haven’t created any anon accounts to discuss vo.EROS or his discord or anyone related to him and his discord. His OGs / Moderators are the ones with anonymous accounts, not me. I know, right, sometimes it’s hard for people who habitually lie to believe that others might actually prefer honesty.
And, yeah yeah, before you play the “we made these anon accounts because we are scared about our places of employment being called by you awful, unhinged women” card, first of all, there’s no proof anyone’s place of work was called. There’s also no proof of who made those first nasty anon comments on twitter attacking K** and C**. Could it have been some upset ex-fan of his? Sure, his discord was advertised as a safe space and, as a result, it was probably attractive to a lot of vulnerable women. Could one of those women have gotten upset about something they found out or something he did? Absolutely. But it’s also a possibility that they themselves are behind those anon accounts and nasty comments. It certainly worked in their favour.
At any rate, do I believe those mods and OGs created anon accounts with which they could attack us because they were scared about their jobs and personal lives? Uh… not so much. I think they were more worried about protecting themselves in case someone did decide to come forward with something damning that they couldn’t just brush aside or employ their usual victim-blaming tactics against. By hiding behind those anon accounts they could attack all of the women coming forward but also walk away unscathed if the shit hit the fan for the man they are so rabidly defending.
I’ve been told that I would laugh about J with EROS and my “inner circle friends” and that he would “encourage it”.
The first conversation I ever had with J was when I was approached because she wanted to know if EROS ever defended her when I “would talk shit about her”. I told her I had no idea what she was even talking about since I had probably had one conversation about her with EROS and that was in front of multiple people in VC and was regarding their narrated books. Eros was telling me that he wanted to stop doing them while J wanted to continue. He didn’t go into any specifics at all – as I’ve said before, I didn’t really chat with EROS, I would never feel comfortable discussing his best friend with him, let alone shit-talking her. The idea is laughable. I trusted two people in that discord and, in the end, my trust in one of them was sorely misplaced.
Despite the conversation I’d had with her, J later went on to repeat the lies she’d been told to my friends and god knows who else.
I was later told that R was the one telling people that I would shit-talk J with EROS and S etc. Where she got that idea from, well, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe she just pulled it out of her ass. Knowing where the lies originated made it even more of a dick move that those lies would be repeated by anyone. Seriously, of all the people to believe.
I was told that anytime we had an argument or disagreement, S would go tell F who would then go tell R and R would, obviously, tell “everyone”.
I was accused by J of “honing in on” Dre because Dre was sharing conversations she’d had with J on social media.
Apparently women were sending J screenshots of my interactions on social media. Can’t imagine who would do something like that. Yes, that was sarcasm. I became friendly with Dre because we had a long chat after she private messaged me. Not the other way around. I didn’t “hone in” on anyone. I guess sometimes it’s hard for duplicitous assholes to believe people might simply just want to make sure others are okay.
I had a woman I don’t even know call me out by name to accuse me of things I didn’t do and insult me simply because I happened to be speaking out against EROS. They then doubled down when I responded and acted as though they were being victimised. The same woman then went on to accuse me publicly of being an author of romance who stole her pen name. She repeatedly publicly insulted said author thinking she was insulting me. At a later date she attacked another woman because she mistook her for me.
I’ve had impersonation accounts created using my face and images. Accounts controlled by people who post nasty things on social media that I would never post. Not sure what they were trying to achieve with that as only a moron would believe those accounts were me.
Parenting skills were called into question by the EROS anons. Those of us who have children were accused of being bad mothers and embarrassments to them. I had rando anons attacking me on my socials. Personally I would prefer my children be raised to understand that speaking out when you see men taking advantage of women is a good thing and that male validation is really not important and should never be prioritised over friendships. But hey, that’s just me.
EROS stood up on his platform and threatened us with the knowledge that he possesses our ID, ID that J had informed us was deleted as soon as it was used for verification.
He made lists of women (including myself) in his moderator channel, instructing his moderators, and god knows who else, to gather everything they could find on those women – including their ID. ID which should have been deleted, so why did the moderators have access to it? Considering the moderators aren’t exactly the world’s most upstanding individuals, who else had been given access to it?
Why would a content creator need his moderators to find “everything” on specific patrons? For what, exactly?
And why on earth would women acquiesce to such weird orders from a man without question? Did they question it? Who knows. The screenshot I was given was taken straight from discord search results so it rather conveniently only showed EROS’ comments and none of the responses or preceding comments.
We were told by J that he was behind one of the documents supposedly doxing him. Not sure if it was supposed to be an attempt at gathering the email addresses of people who opened the file. I don’t even know if it’s true. I heard it from more than one person including from the person I believe the information originated with.
He once implied on his stream that patrons from a certain timezone (Australia) were taking advantage of him when he was drunk. Previously he had alluded to this in a more general way, implying that almost everyone sexting him was taking advantage of him, not the other way around, but I was informed by more than one person that he had been telling people that the Aussies, in particular, would intentionally sext him while he was drunk. I was told more, specifically about one particular woman, but I am not going to go into detail because I know what was allegedly said by him was categorically false anyway and the accusation is disgusting. I have no idea if the people who shared the specifics were telling the truth, and I have no idea how many people this has been told to.
J told me that she was booted from the moderator channel after my “blog post referring to him saying i’d sexted him”. Thing is, I never made a blog post about that back then. I think the closest I came was my blog post that simply said “You wish, babe”, that’s it.
I actually have my suspicions about why J was removed from the moderator channel (if that’s what actually happened) but I don’t think it was anything to do with a blog post made by me and something I mentioned to a woman who was messaging me under the guise of being a friend.
I’ve had women from the discord contact me privately to tell me they had read the files on EROS and were absolutely disgusted by what they had read.
Despite the fact I hadn’t actually read any files on him, and had been quite vocal about that, they would vent about the things contained within them.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with people venting to me, but those women still support him. They still watch his streams, they still play games with him and giggle at his jokes, they still support him financially. They encourage him and dogpile when he says horrible things about those of us speaking out against him, acting like we are villains when we did no doxing and they were the ones downloading and sharing those documents amongst themselves.
Like I said, I was always vocal about the fact I hadn’t read any of the documents circulating about him because it didn’t sit right with me, so I was super curious as to why people would come to me to express their disappointment in what they had read and would speak as though I knew what they were talking about.
Sometimes I wondered if they didn’t believe me and were hoping they could “catch me out” then use it as a way to curry favour with EROS. Stranger things have definitely happened.
I’ve been given the heads up about members who have been booted. One I invited to the discord I am in because I liked her and when I approached her she didn’t even have a clue she’d been booted. Later I was told of more members who had supposedly left, but as it turned out they hadn’t. Not sure what that was all about.
We are pretty sure that the general consensus was that all of the women who had been booted were just hanging out in one big “We Hate EROS” discord and talking about him all day, every day because we are all so terribly obsessed with him. We weren’t sure if people were hoping for an invite into the non-existent anti-eros discord. During my conversation with J I was told that someone from my discord was feeding him information, but I believe she was mistaking my discord for another one or just assumed, like everyone else, that everyone who disliked Eros was hanging out in the one huge discord.
My friends have had death threats and anonymous hate messages. Since mentioning those threats I’ve heard of other women from that discord receiving them but, so far, I’ve only ever been privy to some of the ones sent to my friends. EROS implied we were behind our own anonymous threats and he also blamed another ex-patron for them.
I’ve been told women have lost friends because they follow certain online accounts (mine, the ngl page etc) and “the people behind those accounts are responsible for sending death threats”. Nice.
After mentioning the death threats we’d received, anonymous accounts popped up on twitter attacking EROS’ gf and an OG. Of course they all took this opportunity to blame us for those accounts and used it as an excuse to create their own pack of anonymous accounts with which they attacked those of us speaking out against EROS. One of those accounts was shown to be controlled by “the nice OG” who was later promoted to moderator on his discord. If that’s not proof of him condoning and encouraging anonymous attacks on the women speaking out against him, tell me what is. I’ll wait.
I had another VA/SW/Whatthefuckever private message me on several occasions for my input with regards to EROS related situations for no apparent reason. I didn’t share much with him because I didn’t understand why he was messaging me or getting involved in the first place. I later found out why and also found out that he has held a grudge against EROS since before I was even booted. Something about being ignored or blocked by him. I dunno. Some typical male ego bullshit that seems incredibly prevalent in the erotic VA world that I don’t give two shits about.
I have no interest in any VAs or men claiming to be VAs. I’m not seeking them out. I follow one or two on twitter but I probably won’t ever support a male VA monetarily again because, unfortunately, too many of them turn out to be walking red flags.
Pickles has been the subject of various attacks. When she pointed out that she recognised the sound of the Lovense Calor in the background of one of the vms EROS had sent to a woman without consent, she received an anonymous message accusing her of speaking out purely to advertise the fact she was one of those sexting EROS. She has basically been slut-shamed for being open about her relationship and interactions with him. And he has sat by and allowed it to continue. He’s been sexting multiple women in private while giving off the impression he doesn’t allow that kind of interaction on his place of business, then when the cat was let out of the bag, he has allowed and encouraged his fanbase to shame and attack those women he was sexting. Now, if he’s a sex worker… that’s a little odd, no? The secrecy in his discord itself is a little odd to begin with, not to mention the lies. Why let your community attack the women you were sexting if you are a sex worker and that’s just what you do? Unless of course it wasn’t sex work, and you got caught out simply being a predatory piece of shit with your patrons and now that the thrill of it being a secret is gone, welp, you may as well just claim it was sex work and then accuse all of us of being anti-sex work, feminazi, lunatics. Sound about right?
Pickles has had anonymous accounts imitate her diction and typos in order to manipulate his fanbase into attacking her. Not that most of them required encouragement to do so. She’s been treated like a social pariah within book/narrator communities – being blocked or barred from even joining certain spaces for no good reason. Since noone ever seems to possess the backbone required to be upfront about anything they do, I can only assume it’s because she had the audacity to speak out against predatory voice actors and the women who moderate in those spaces let their internalised misogyny get the better of them.
Much more happened last year but you get the gist. None of the accusations made about me were made to my face. They were made behind my back either to my friends or they got back to me via people I occasionally spoke with.
We tried to bring awareness to the fact a content creator was taking advantage of his fanbase. His fanbase was then weaponised against us and we spent the better part of a year attempting to defend ourselves while trying to unravel the lies and manipulations of him and his community.
I’m not sure why J felt the need to go on a weird behind-the-scenes attack on my character. I feel like she may have become paranoid she would end up in my blog because of her relationship to EROS. Guilty conscience, perhaps? Stupid thing is, if it wasn’t for her active participation in smearing me and god knows who else behind the scenes, she would never have been mentioned at all.
I hate when women are centred in conversations about men being predatory. Yes, men often have women around them who enable or even facilitate their behaviour, but putting the focus entirely upon them is bullshit. All it does is give people supporting asshole men someone else to target.
The problem with this situation, though, is that so many women are doing his dirty work for him. Unsurprising I suppose, since they are all aware of everything that’s been going on. If you think people could be close to a man for 3 years and be totally clueless about the things he was doing within his community, you are a moron. Anyone close to him knew what he was doing.
I’ve been told by women that they were messaged by him, not the other way around. That they felt pressure to please him, that they were scared to speak publicly because he has photos of them, and because they have seen what happens to people who do speak out. He has used his community to gaslight women into thinking they are the ones who have treated him badly, that they have no right to speak out. He’s used his community to scare women into staying silent. The people behind the anonymous accounts acting on his behalf have a hell of a lot to answer for.
PURITANS
Eros likes to bang on and on and on and on about how his detractors hate sex workers and that’s why it’s easy for us to hate him. This argument is absolute ragebait bullshit. He’s painting his detractors as narrow-minded, puritanical weirdos, you know, people easy for his supporters to hate. In the same breath he tells his supporters that we were all after him, sexually harrassing him and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Which is it?
It’s self-victimisation and the kinda tactic that works very well in his particular domain. We were all once in his space, he’s a va who makes nsfw audios, for fucksake, of course we have no problem with sex workers or we would never have paid him any notice – let alone supported him emotionally and financially.
We don’t hate sex workers but he sure would love for you to think we do.
Think about all the times men have referred to women as frigid or prude. Maybe you’ve experienced it yourself. If you’re a woman I bet you have. Probably multiple times. Why did they do it? Was it after you rejected them? Was it because you didn’t capitulate to their sexual desires? Was it their way of making you feel guilty, to pressure you into doing something you might not have felt comfortable doing?
I think when men, in particular men with platforms, refer to certain women as puritans it’s not so much about insulting those women as it is about sending a message to their fanbase. Sexual repression is bad. Sexual empowerment is good. I love sexually liberated women. Be a woman I love. You want me to love you, right? Be sexually liberated. Don’t be a repressed sex-worker hating prude like these women I hate.
Women are always referred to as sluts or prudes by men. Always. It’s incredibly misogynistic and almost always designed to shame or pressure women into doing something they might not want to.
We aren’t puritans. You all know we aren’t. So, why do you think he is framing us this way?
Of course, this is the narrative he pushes. The lie he tells his new fans so that they don’t listen to us. They will enter into his community with the belief that he is a “nice guy” with a bunch of lunatic ex-fans who judge him because he’s a swer, or that we are women he didn’t want to virtually fuck and we “wouldn’t take no for an answer”.
It doesn’t matter that it’s all a lie. It doesn’t matter that some of us never actually wanted him sexually at all. No, that doesn’t matter at all.
I don’t know why the women in that discord are so ready to believe these things about us. Maybe they fear being thought of as puritans themselves. Maybe, when he was supposedly drinking on stream they were the ones in his DMs or on lovense playing with him. Maybe they feel guilty? I have no idea.
Sex workers are supposed to establish clearly defined boundaries so that there can be no confusion when it comes to the relationship between them and their clients. This is done for the protection of everyone and was absolutely not the case in his discord. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.
His moderators, who lied when approached about this very issue, are complicit in any hurt he has caused the women in that discord. You know who you are, you were asked about it and you lied. I’ve seen the screenshots.
The OGs who protect him by attacking those who speak out are complicit.
Anyone who stood by his side for the past three years and turned a blind eye or sat beside him in interviews talking about the “peak rabidness” of his detractors are fucking complicit.
I’m not posting all this stuff to get sympathy or anything ridiculous like that. I don’t need it or want it. I’m annoyed that me and my close friends have been lied about. I’m annoyed that so many women are so willing to throw away relationships for a man who has done nothing to deserve that kind of loyalty from them.
I wanted to add some perspective from my side of things because there were a lot of people from that discord who were spreading lies and gossiping in private messages and group chats throughout the past year and most of it didn’t come to my attention until the damage was already done.
I also firmly believe information has been eked out in such a way that was intended to contain the fallout and protect certain people who didn’t necessarily require or even deserve protection, and it was done at the expense of others who are more deserving of it. There were also a lot of his supporters who were spreading lies intentionally in a bid to undermine those of us speaking out.
That discord had the hallmarks of a cult and I’m not saying that flippantly. You can go google cults yourself and see if anything sounds a little too familiar. If people were allowed to discuss things openly, if transparency and honesty had been fostered none of this would have transpired. But it did, because the secrecy protected him and those close to him and created a safe space solely for him. I’m not suggesting he doesn’t deserve to be safe, he absolutely does, but not to the absolute and intentional detriment of the women supporting him and those who call him out.
Not when that space is being used to conceal his problematic behaviour.
Contrary to what a lot of people probably believe, and what it probably sounds like, I don’t actually care if women want to continue supporting Eros. I’ve been disappointed by some people, sure, but in the end that is their decision and at least it’s now an informed one (unless they are sticking their heads in the sand).
I think at this point if you don’t understand how he has taken advantage of his patrons and lied countless times about that discord, his behaviour and us, you never will because you simply don’t want to and, in the end, that’s on you.
When it comes to new supporters, I just hope that there is more honesty when it comes to his boundaries and his discord. I also hope he’s respecting their boundaries and not simply protecting his own but, judging by the posts I’ve seen lately, I’d say my hope is misplaced. I don’t think anything will change, apart from him possibly being a little more careful about his predilections.
At any rate, support him. Don’t support him. Be vocal about your experiences, or don’t. I may not agree with your decisions but I don’t really care what any of you do at this point. If you do choose to become a patron knowing what’s been going on the past few years, go in with open eyes.
You aren’t going to be the exception to the rule.
If you decide to leave, those relationships you make in there will change, I don’t care how strong you think they are. You will be talked about behind your back. Women will take screenshots of things you say in private chats and in group chats. Women will report back to him anything you say that might involve him in any way at all. Your “friends” will do it.
The mods and the OGs are not your friends. I don’t care how close you think you have become to them. Your behaviour and private messages will be discussed and gossiped about in mod/OG chats and servers.
Keep in mind that you can be a patron without joining in on the dogpiling and you don’t have to believe every little bit of bullshit he feeds you about the women who have decided they don’t want to be around him any longer. You can listen to his erotic audios without being a part of the victim-blaming and mob-mentality that happens so often in that community. Why you would want to financially support someone like him, I don’t know, but if that’s your prerogative you can actually do it without becoming a misogynist asshole sycophant.
Hell, you don’t even have to put an emoji react on his vague, rage-baity announcements. Novel idea, I know.
Most importantly, though, if you genuinely are looking for a safe space where you can game with women and make honest friendships, my advice would be to not join. If you’ve noticed your mental health has been bad since joining, but the only space that seems to makes you feel happy is his – that’s probably not a good thing. It might be worth speaking to someone outside of his community that you trust and getting their input.
Find a space that is a joy to be around, but also makes you happier in general.
Silver Lining
The year wasn’t all lies and machinations lol. There was also a lot of good so I wouldn’t take back my experiences in that community. After all, it led me to some wonderful people. You know who you are.
One of the best, albeit unexpected, things to come out of last year was meeting one of the most considerate, kindhearted men I’ve ever known. He’s also hilarious, helpful, incredibly skilled at WoW and about the furthest thing from arrogant as you can get. He’s been an absolute rock and I love his guts. I would sing his praises some more but I feel like discussing him in the same breath as discussing EROS and that discord is gross.
And no, I’m not talking about “Horniboi” you fucking moron. Jesus wept.
I’m not sure how to end this. I’ve probably forgotten a whole bunch but, like I said, this blog isn’t going anywhere so who really cares.
I am thinking of making this my general blog, a place for talking about anything that takes my fancy. I find it really cathartic and relaxing writing on here, it’s probably why it takes me ten years to actually hit submit on these posts.
I have plans for a post about common red flags within male nsfw va/sw communities. If you want to send me anything at all with regards to that particular topic or anything else I’ve mentioned on here, feel free to leave a comment, or you can email me here.
I hope, for most of you, your 2024 is filled with as much love, friendship and happiness as the first part of mine has been.
The rest of you can go fuck yourselves <3
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