Being Famous on BookTok Doesn’t Make You a Feminist

When the Aftercare is Just Damage Control

These thoughts are probably going to be somewhat disjointed but you will have to forgive me as I have been stricken with the Covids.

I think it’s important to understand that pointing out a niche public figure’s inappropriate conduct is not harassment. When that person has lied and refused to take any accountability for his actions, raising awareness about it so the women who are just discovering his community is not harassment.

On the subject of accountability: simply claiming to be an accountable person isn’t enough. The only things he’s ever taken responsibility for are his toxic gaming habits and a few vague references to his past sex life, which may or may not even be true. And even then, those behaviours haven’t stopped, they’ve persisted despite the so-called accountability. “I’m a shit human” or “I’m a cunt” isn’t accountability.

These current allegations aren’t the first. This is a man who has been called out for his behaviour multiple times over the years he’s been creating content. Each time, it’s different women but the allegations are notably similar. Contrary to what some might want you to believe, it’s not the same women speaking out year after year. Most of the women who first spoke out about him years ago have since given up trying to be heard.

In response to the latest allegations, he lied and weaponised his fanbase against the women speaking out – myself included, resulting in targeted harassment carried out by his moderators, friends, and followers. One of the women leading this harassment campaign was later ‘rewarded’ with a moderator role in his community, reinforcing those power dynamics I’ve mentioned in the past. Since then, he has repeatedly used his platform to influence how others perceive us. Many of his followers and friends have participated in this ongoing character assassination.

When those members of his community have repeatedly made unjustified and unfair comments attacking our personal lives and painting us as nasty women and/or bad mothers, it’s understandable that some might feel it necessary to stay informed about the things being posted. Those of us who aren’t actively doing so are obviously going to be alerted when negative or misleading posts are made concerning any of us.

I only really refer to posts originating from members of his community when they have posted about those of us raising concerns about his inappropriate behaviour. I don’t tag anyone and I don’t harass people – but I will correct misinformation and lies when it affects me or others. That’s not harassment. That’s accountability, and the language they are using to avoid taking any is grossly manipulative.
“I’m being stalked” – When you’ve spent years posting negatively and cruelly about a broad group of women who have spoken out, you shouldn’t be surprised when those posts reach them. When you speak about people publicly, they’re probably going to see it.
“I’m being harassed” – You are being corrected. You are being challenged because you are spreading lies and false narratives. You continue to subtweet, provoke and misrepresent the issue. You keep engaging and then crying harassment whenever someone pushes back.
“Just leave us alone” – A misuse of the concept of boundaries and incredibly hypocritical coming from people who are clearly monitoring our posts and commenting about us. You want to engage in the discussion and control the narrative without consequence or criticism. You can’t demand to be “left alone” while simultaneously throwing stones.

The manufactured fatigue behind their pleas to be “left alone” also feeds into a false narrative that suggests it’s been the same few women pushing these allegations for years. And I get it: it might feel like that, especially when he and his supporters deliberately blur the lines by lumping all critics together into one faceless group. But the truth is, it hasn’t been the same people. It’s different women, in different years, raising very similar concerns.

All of the above are examples of emotionally manipulative language being used to turn people against the women speaking out about a man’s harmful behaviour. They’re also textbook DARVO.

1. Deny

• He lied about sexting fans for years.
• His moderators also lied on his behalf.
• He initially refused to admit to any wrongdoing.
• He downplayed what happened, framing it as normal because he’s a “sex worker.”

2. Attack

• He weaponised his fanbase against the women who spoke out.
• He allowed or encouraged fans to discredit, mock, and target detractors.
• He painted women speaking out as scorned, obsessive, or unhinged.
• He accused others of stalking or harassment while publicly discussing them himself.

3. Reverse Victim and Offender

• He claimed to be harassed and stalked.
• He implied that women were trying to punish or control him for rejecting them.
• Supporters parrot the idea that he’s the one being attacked and excuse his actions while the women are aggressors, bullies and haters.
• He framed his sexting behavior as part of sex work, shifting the conversation away from consent and manipulation to “being intentionally misunderstood.”
• He presented himself as a victim of false accusations or “cancel culture,” while the actual victims were discredited or silenced.

On a related note, while I sometimes speak on behalf of a group, I’ve always been clear about separating myself and my own views from those who choose to comment anonymously. In some situations I can absolutely understand the need for anonymity but there’s a certain boldness which comes with the shield of it that can lead people to say things they wouldn’t necessarily say were they speaking using their own identities. That’s where things can cross into territory I am not comfortable with or don’t necessarily support.

To be clear, I’m not referring to accounts that were made specifically to attack us and deceive his less informed followers by parroting his false narratives, or accounts made to send legitimate threats to people on either side of this situation.
In my opinion, those accounts were created purely with malicious intent, there was no true desire to protect themselves from “being attacked” and they could easily defend him from their real accounts. They simply wanted that shield of anonymity in order to dogpile us to the point we would stop pointing out their idol’s behaviour and, in some cases, it worked. I also believe, and have stated in the past, that some of those people are probably aware that there is truth to the allegations and anonymity protects them from any future accountability on the matter.

To me, discourse with any anon account is weird at best. Not knowing who you are speaking with is frustrating and I’m less inclined to be forthcoming with someone using an alt account. Since this began, Pickles and I have been contacted by numerous anon accounts who were liars or misrepresenting themselves – most recently one that, I believe, may have been his own attorney/private investigator – so you can probably understand why I feel a certain type of way about people using them. 

With regards to the cries of “harassment” being thrown around of late, I can only really speak for myself. Unlike some, I don’t like to lump everyone into one group so I think it’s very important to differentiate between those who support him without full context and those who have continued defending him in spite of multiple allegations over the years.  Those supporters have seen the red flags, the pattern of behaviour and are aware of the harm yet they actively choose to ignore it, downplay it, outright excuse it or engage in it themselves.

While I have empathy for those who have been misled or are uninformed, I have absolutely none for the willful enablers who support him despite having had access to evidence of his behaviour and lies for years or, in some cases, being involved themselves. If I’ve ever spoken harshly about his supporters, it’s those women I am referring to. Those women know who they are and if you are ever questioning whether or not I am referring to you, chances are I’m probably not.

The only exception to this would be the women who have been around him since they were teenagers. I do have empathy left for those women for reasons I won’t go into at this point. And while I am sure he would love for you to believe that’s about infantilising them or denying their agency, that’s a harmful oversimplification that only serves to absolve him of any wrongdoing. You need to remember, this is a male content creator who has been accused multiple times of inappropriate behaviour with women who idolise him. He’s the last person anyone should be looking to for insight on women’s sexual agency or infantilisation so, for the love of everything holy, stop parroting his performative advocacy. All you are doing is aiding in his self-serving smokescreen. Anyway, that’s a topic I’d love to address another day, perhaps when my brain isn’t quite so covid-addled.  

This has been one of the most frustrating and disheartening experiences I’ve been through. I don’t even think I can adequately describe how it feels to watch a man use his platform to paint you as a liar – especially when you have the voice of one of the women he took advantage of replaying in your head, over and over, describing to you how she tried to say no to his requests “nicely”. What makes it worse is knowing he’s co-opting the language of women’s empowerment and trauma to protect himself. All his posts about women’s rights, harassment and trauma aren’t solidarity, they are damage control. A way to distract from the very real allegations being made against him and frame himself as the victim. Meanwhile his fans treat him like he is god’s gift to women, the perfect ally, and come after anyone who challenges the narrative. They think they are standing up for “one of the good ones” when what they are really doing is protecting a man who has hurt people and turning their backs on those trying to speak the truth. They’re helping him avoid accountability.

Just because someone feels uncomfortable being held accountable, doesn’t mean they are being harassed.

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Below is what should have happened a long time ago:

“When I first started this, I was aware of the power dynamics that come with my position, and I intended for my Discord to be a safe space – a place where women could engage without fear of being sexualised or taken advantage of. At some point, I acted in ways that contradicted those values and the standards I had set. For that, I am sincerely sorry. I’ve updated the server description and rules to better reflect the kind of community I want to foster, and to set clearer expectations around how I interact with you as a content creator working in the NSFW space. This doesn’t undo the harm, but I hope it’s a step toward rebuilding trust.”

What actually happened was that, over the course of two years, he lied about sexting members of his community, he lied to the people he was sexting, and at least one of his moderators lied to protect him. When he was called out publicly more recently, he switched gears, eventually admitting to it. But instead of taking real accountability or apologising for lying and weaponising his fanbase against those of us who spoke out, he doubled down. He leaned hard into the sex work framing – something he’d previously distanced himself from as he transitioned more into audio work and spoke openly about disliking being sexualised.
Now, he framed the sexting as no big deal, insisting it was part of his job as a sex worker, and tried to make us look ridiculous for calling it out. He shifted the narrative entirely, and when he wasn’t painting us as puritans who look down on sex workers, we were painted as scorned women who didn’t respect his right to say no. In reality, we were simply trying to hold him accountable for the manipulation, dishonesty, and power imbalance he refused to acknowledge.

This framing is still repeated by his supporters to this day. That we wanted something from him and didn’t get it. That we wouldn’t take no for an answer. Never mind that they can’t actually say what it is that we supposedly wanted. They simply parrot his narrative, causing even more harm, without understanding or caring what actually happened. This is especially infuriating when you consider the nature of the allegations being made.  

Working in NSFW or sex work spaces doesn’t excuse secretive or manipulative interactions with fans, particularly when power dynamics are at play. You don’t get to exploit trust, lie to your audience, or blur ethical lines just because your content is adult. Transparency and ethical professionalism are still important.