Is Safe Truly Safe?
It’s come to my attention that some people are of the opinion that because E wants nothing to do with us, we should “leave him alone”. That what we are doing amounts to harassment and stalking and that noone cares about what we are saying.
I mean, obviously some of you don’t care. That’s generally how people get away with taking advantage of others. This blog isn’t for you, though. It’s for the people who do care. It’s for the women who took him at his word. It’s for the women who feel like they were taken advantage of. If this is not you, feel free to ignore it. Feel free to ignore me.
Nothing in here is fabricated. It’s a combination of facts and my opinion. This isn’t the first time he has been called out and, each time it happens, he attacks, it blows over and he continues to take advantage of his position because women become afraid to speak out. They are afraid to speak because they are shunned by those they once regarded friends, they are targeted by his supporters, they are lied about and villainised.
We’ve had anonymous death threats, one of his OGs was caught using an anon account to attack us. I’ve been lied to, lied about and I recently had someone who is friends with one of his more vocal supporters impersonate me online. They used my photo, username and banner to create an account back in May and used it the other night to insult two of his supporters in a creepily complicated attempt to make me look bad, yet we are supposedly the ones attacking his supporters. People are inserting themselves into something they know nothing about and defending people who are, unbeknownst to them, lying to them and about them.
I have done nothing but share my experiences and knowledge on my twitter account and here, in this blog. I don’t have some huge platform. I don’t even have a small one. I don’t hide behind anonymous accounts to attack people, if I have something to say, I say it. I’m not engaging with people who want nothing to do with me, I’m stating facts. This isn’t a personal vendetta. It’s me, trying to shine a light on the lies and problematic behaviour of a content creator I used to support. I’m trying to raise awareness so that women know exactly who they will be supporting should they choose to do so.
I’m not out to ruin anyone’s life or livelihood and, unlike some people, I don’t have an ulterior motive for doing this. This blog exists because I realised there were lies being told and I wanted people to be aware. I wanted the women I cared about to get out of that place and away from him. I have no idea what he’s doing now. I have no idea if he’s still promoting his space as one that’s safe for women. I have no idea if he’s still sexting his fanbase while lying about it.
The problem I am faced with, is that the moment I started speaking out, instead of acknowledging any wrong doing, he started attacking me and anyone else who happened to know the truth or speak out against him. Now I have multiple people spreading lies about me and I’ve had multiple things attributed to me that I’ve had nothing to do with.
That’s why this blog stays. And, while he and his friends persist in spreading their lies and vilifying the women speaking out, it will continue to stay.
Welcome to the discord
The reason I posted this excerpt is to show you how the discord was promoted to prospective patrons back when I joined. The discord was advertised as a “safe space and community of women and NB protected by a dedicated team of trusted moderators”. A little further on it states that it is a “lewd and nude-free zone, so you don’t have to worry about hypersexualization of you, me, or anyone else on the server”. This is how the discord was advertised the entire time I was a member. I want you to bear this in mind while you read this post.
Throughout my time on the discord, E was constantly speaking on topics related to sex work, sexualisation, consent, boundaries, entitlement and parasocial relationships. On a surface level it’s understandable considering his line of work but in hindsight I think it was just a way for him to gain favour with his followers, who are predominantly women while setting the narrative for dealing with those of us who didn’t conform to his idea of a fan.
Going into that discord I was under the impression that, while E spoke of being a sex worker, he considered himself someone who was trying to make voice acting his career and his discord was not about access to him, it was somewhere to support him and enjoy his work while being a part of a “safe” community of women and nb folk. His content around the time certainly reinforced that belief.
OFF THE TABLE
(CW: the audios below are snippets of his voice from content uploaded to his socials. I’m not blocked. I knew these existed so I grabbed parts to back up what I was saying. If you wish to listen in full, you can find them all on his IG or TT, posted in Jan 2021)
“Trust me, I’m flattered, but my content is for sale not me. But intent matters a lot and I think as long as people are genuine and respectful, that comes through in the end” – Eros on fans using pet names and honorifics
“More often than not I would say that it’s a little dehumanising, kind of objectifying, but also a lot of that comes with the territory, comes with the job.”
“There are plenty of people out there that, they are not paying, they’re not subscribing to the patreon in order to get access to the voice content, to the audios and things like that. They’re paying, attempting to get access to me, attempting to get closer to me, thinking that I’m a prize to be won, that I’m something that they can pay for. And that’s part of what comes along with all this and it’s not on the table. At all.“
“And so part of staying anonymous is, one, protecting me from the crazies and, two, staying intangible because the more tangible you are the more accessible people think you are and the more people will try to get you. And not just in the bad ways but people will try to fuck you on the internet. They will try to find you and fuck you and it’s not gonna happen.“
This was how Eros presented himself back when I joined his patreon. The narrative always was that his content was for sale but he was not. It didn’t matter who you were, you wouldn’t get access to him. Which is fair enough, sounded perfectly understandable to me. He always seemed to play the objectified male role to his advantage quite a bit back then. I think it helped keep most women at bay, allowing him to choose who he interacted with sexually and when he did interact with you sexually, you felt special because he doesn’t do that, right?
The take home message was very much that he was NOT for sale and, obviously, I have absolutely no problem with that. I supported it.
Just keep it in mind as you continue reading.
SILLY WOMEN
“I think it’s natural to sort of cling to me or really any man that’s not immediately awful. Especially when, like with book boyfriends, I do and say all the things you’ve been wanting to hear all your life. You start thinking, “here’s someone that won’t hurt me. Here’s someone that will take care of me and tend to my emotional wounds and punish the people that have hurt me” It becomes like a saviour situation. And then when someone makes it really weird and uncomfortable and crosses my boundaries and have to ban them, suddenly all that love and warmth they felt for me turns to hurt and rage and feelings of betrayal. Feelings of it all being a lie. Manipulation. A lot of hurt people lash out at me when I don’t live up to the version of me they’ve created in their minds. And then, I, as literally just a voice actor that’s a normal fucken dude just trying to create content and make people happy, I get lumped in with everyone that’s hurt them in the past and they direct all that pain and negative energy at me. Because I’m right in front of them. I’m tangible. They can hurt me back. But I’m not the one that hurt them. They crossed boundaries with a performer and got kicked out of the club.” – Eros on parasocial relationships.
I mean, I’m gonna ignore how incredibly arrogant this all sounds. This is a great attempt at explaining why women get angry at him but it’s not the entire truth. I’m sure some women become emotionally attached to him because of his voice and the way he portrays himself but he’s omitting a very important piece of information here – the fact he’s sliding into these women’s DMs, or they are sliding into his and he is entertaining them. He’s basically fostering these relationships a lot of the time and then crying “parasocial” when he does something to piss them off or they realise they aren’t special at all and that he’s doing the same thing with multiple women.
There’s a multi part audio over on his youtube entitled “I am a SWer”. It’s an audio that addresses a lot of the same stuff I am addressing here, but if you pay attention to the language he uses it becomes clear that he’s downplaying his role in things. He speaks about “flirting” and how women misunderstand this and ultimately hold him responsible for their feelings being hurt. He gives the impression that he’s having innocent interactions with the women on his discord that are a part of being a SWer. He also did this recently, after these latest accusations. Of course flirting and sexting are very different things and I think if you truly wanted to avoid parasocial relationships forming then you probably shouldn’t be entertaining women sexting you or accepting nudes and intimate videos. But, like he said, he’s a man and he clearly enjoys those kinds of interactions. Personally, I think that the parasocial relationship argument is just a convenient way to paint himself as the victim and countless women as the villain. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure it does happen occasionally, just not as often as he would like us to believe.
MORAL OBLIGATIONS
“I’ve said it before and it’s actually part of my rules on discord. Don’t send me nudes, don’t send me lewds, don’t use me for validation. It’s not what I’m here for and I don’t want people feeling preyed upon or taken advantage of or used because the thing is, if you send me stuff like that and you don’t get the response you were looking for then you feel used.”
“Nudes aren’t going to make me like you more. I can’t give you the validation that you’re looking for. I can give you comfort and I can give you advice and I can be here for you in so many other ways”
“When you ask if you can send me nudes, you put me in a position where I now have to reject you and it’s either I accept and you might end up feeling used or I reject you and you end up feeling unappealing, undesired or whatever the case may be. You feel rejected. And I’m the one that had to reject you. So please don’t put me in that position because I love you and I care about you a lot and I don’t wanna reject you. I don’t ever wanna reject you. But I have to.”
“That said, I am a man, everything’s working downstairs. I am an actual human so when people send me things like that or offer to send me things like that, you better fucken believe it’s hard to resist. But I feel morally obligated to resist because I’m a creator and I’m in this position of power and influence and people feel compelled to send things. They feel pressured to do so because they wanna get closer to me, they want my attention, they want my eyes on them and it’s so easy to turn that from just them wanting something into me preying upon their insecurity. And I never, ever, fucking want that to happen. Ever.”
Again, these are from a while back and it shows you the narrative back then. It was that of a man who desperately didn’t want to be viewed like most men online. He was the exception. He didn’t want your nude pics. He didn’t want to take advantage. He attacked other content creators for doing so.
I remember when I first heard this audio and my immediate thought was that it was odd for him to add that last part about being a man and nudes being hard to resist. It came off a bit contrary imo. On one hand he’s telling women not to send him nudes, on the other he’s telling them how much he likes them. Do you want these women who you admit seek validation from you to stop sending you nudes or not?
For someone who mentions his sex addiction so often I think it’s odd that he didn’t mention it here. I feel like it would have been the perfect time to mention it and, had he legitimately wished for the unsolicited nudes to stop, he would have pointed out that by sending him unsolicited nudes these women were basically enabling an addict who, according to him, was trying to distance himself from those behaviours. Bottom line, I feel like these were mixed messages and I think it was a way to, again, make those women he did want nudes from feel as though they were the exception to the rule.
I hope you caught this part because I sure did:
“But I feel morally obligated to resist because I’m a creator and I’m in this position of power and influence and people feel compelled to send things. They feel pressured to do so because they wanna get closer to me, they want my attention, they want my eyes on them and it’s so easy to turn that from just them wanting something into me preying upon their insecurity.”
He acknowledged the fact an inherent power imbalance exists within the relationship between content creator and the fans who admire them. But we always knew that he was aware of the power imbalance, didn’t we. He simply refuses to address it since being called out for doing the exact thing he said he would never do with his fanbase – prey upon them.
Where did his moral obligation go?
Instead of simply aknowledging the fact he’s crossed the line with his fans and apologising for it, he switched the narrative and is now playing his sex-worker card as though his life depends on it. He publicly attacked his detractors, painting us as unhinged, scorned losers who are attacking him. He weaponised both his and other people’s mental health and trauma to attack us. He weaponised his following so they, too, would follow suit in typical mob mentality. After all, they want to get closer to him, they want his attention and his eyes on them.
He could have just acknowledged it and apologised.
Now that we’ve established how he was portraying himself, I want to address a glaring contradiction.
LOVENSE
For those of you unfamiliar with Lovense, it’s a company that makes bluetooth sex toys which can be used online, with a partner. Basically your partner can control your toy over the net, you can control theirs or you can link up two toys and use them in tandem. The toys are great. Highly recommend.
E is a Lovense affiliate, meaning he makes a percentage from each sale using his affiliate link. He’s also created several vibration patterns for the Lovense app that his patrons were able to use with the toys they’d purchased.
Initially the patterns were a patreon perk so, in order to gain access to them, you were required to friend him on the lovense app and request them.
When the discord began to grow in size, he made the patterns publicly available so that they were searchable to anyone who knew about them. Despite this, there were occasions where he would still recommend his patrons add him as a friend on the app.
Any contacts you add to the Lovense app are able to see your online status, which is indicated by a green dot. Obviously this makes sense because, in most cases, you want your contacts to know when you are online in the app.
This is where it gets complicated. At some stage the Lovense app was updated and a few features were added. One of the women on the discord became aware that contacts were now able to see more than just the online status of their friends so she decided to contact him about it:
So, the owner of a discord promoted as a safe space for women was fully aware that he could now see not only the online status of the women who had added him in order to get his patterns, but the sex toy being used and it’s battery status. Basically, he could see whenever those women were masturbating.
Remember, this is a guy who repeatedly spoke about feeling uncomfortable with women objectifying him and not wanting to be sexualised. Most importantly, this is a guy who was aware that there was a power imbalance present between him and his fans.
I don’t know how many women were aware of the update to the app and the changes that took place, but I don’t recall there ever being an announcement about it, nor was there any kind of information available in his “safe space” informing his patrons of the significance of adding him, or anyone else, as a friend on the app. He just continued to recommend women add him to their accounts without mentioning it at all despite being fully aware of it.
Now, I wasn’t aware of any of this while I was in the discord. Since being booted, however, I have been told by women that he would unexpectedly slide into their messages on the Lovense app while they were masturbating. When I found out that he actually knew that the app had changed to show more details I was kinda disappointed and shocked.
Shortly before I was booted I had posted in the self-help channel about using my toy with someone. I didn’t go into details, it was basically just that I had finally had the chance to be able to try it and it was great. I didn’t think anything of it, women had posted about partners and experiences in there before, and in much more detail. E came into the channel in full admin mode and reprimanded me. I apologised for sharing, explained that I was just excited at having been able to try it out after feeling more like myself lately. A tense conversation ensued between him and Pickles, in which she attempted to get clarification on what we were allowed to speak about in the self-help channel. We had figured that speaking about the Lovense toys and their use was okay, and important, as long as it wasn’t too descriptive – after all, he was an affiliate and promotion was good, right? Apparently not. E ended up putting his foot down and deleted the conversation apart from my original comment and his comment calling me out. He even went so far as to delete my apology and a sympathetic reply I’d received. It just smacked of trying to make an example out of me for no good reason. It felt as though I was being judged and shamed and I was well aware that other members of the community had probably reported my comment. I decided to delete everything I’d posted in that channel and never posted in there again.
Pickles approached him privately about the discussion to apologise for “stepping out of line”. This was his reply:
Okay, so he is an affiliate for the toys, wants us to buy them but only wants us to rely on his content to use them? We are only supposed to rely on his content to masturbate? I’m sorry, sir, were we in a relationship I was unaware of?
How is this healthy? And he has the audacity to accuse women of forming parasocial relationships with him. Please, explain how his attitude doesn’t foster that kind of thing??
In regards to Pickles’ concerns that some women might not be aware of how to navigate using the toys and app safely, he replies with “thankfully there’s noone that young on the server, so it’s not necessary”. We had 18 year olds in that server. How young is “that young”, exactly?
I also know for a fact that he knows damn well there were girls “naive enough” on his server to do things the “wrong” way in regards to sexting.
There were plenty of women in that server who had husbands, partners and sexting partners who still enjoyed E’s content plenty. So what was the problem, exactly? In hindsight, his references to my “wow boyfriend” when discussing me with others painted this interaction in an entirely different light.
I know, I know, it was an NSFW discord. He’s an NSFW voice actor. I get it.
That doesn’t mean all of his patrons would be comfortable with him sliding into their Lovense apps while they were masturbating. And before you say that women should do their own due diligence when it comes to the toys and software, sure, but this was an update and, even still, just because someone adds him to request patterns doesn’t imply consent was given to message them while they are using their toys. He never said that’s what he would be doing. He portrayed himself as someone who wouldn’t do that. He never asked if he could do that.
He just assumed that because those women were paying to access his content, they were paying for him “to access them“. I mean, we’ve all heard that audio by now. Crazy that someone so passionate about their own boundaries would have such little respect for the boundaries of others.
“I never, ever, fucking want that to happen. Ever.”
Initially when I was told about this lovense thing I thought it could have been a misunderstanding, maybe the ability to see so much was actually always a feature of the app and noone had noticed. But I checked with Lovense myself and was told that it was added as an update.
So, at some point after the app was updated, E noticed he could now see when women were actually using their toys and he didn’t think to mention it to anyone in his “safe space”. He was approached by a woman about it and, still, didn’t think it important enough to mention to his patrons so they could make an informed decision when it came to adding him as a contact. Cool, cool.
LISTENING LOVENSE PARTY
I’ve mentioned sexting going on during game streams, something a lot of women were unaware of at the time. I know that I had no idea that while I was playing Valorant or 7D, something like that might have been going on in the background and it makes me question every giggle or drawn out “EROSSSS” I ever heard during game time.
Now, before you go attacking me for being puritanical or shaming people for enjoying their bodies, please, perish the thought. I enjoy sexting as much as the next person and I am all for a little self-love or mutual masturbation. I have literally no issue with that. With this particular situation, however, context is key and the issue of consent is a factor. If this was a discord where the owner / content creator was transparent about his behaviour, was open with his community and, most importantly, honest, none of this would be an issue. Again, remember how the discord was described in the excerpt I posted above? This is a content creator who repeatedly denied this kind of thing was going on, lied when approached about it and, when called out publicly for sexting his patrons, changed his story claiming it only ever happened while he was “off the clock” and on his personal time. Now we were attacking him for having a “personal life”. As I’ve mentioned before, stream was not off the clock, it was a part of his work as a content creator. So this was just more lies.
In addition to streaming events there were other regular events held on the discord – you can see them listed in the excerpt. One of these events was a weekly Listening Party, or “LP”. These were held in a muted voice channel where E would say a short hello and then stream a few of his audios, which had been requested by members. These were usually from the Queen Tier because us lowly plebs didn’t have access to those particular audios and this was one way people on lower tiers could hear them.
Members attending would listen to the stream while using the events channel to “chat”. During an LP, chat just consisted of comments and suggestive GIFs scrolling past the screen at a rate which made it virtually impossible to hold a conversation of any kind. Loads of innuendo, dirty jokes and laughter. At the end he would sometimes promote his lovense patterns and sign off with a “cum hard for me”.
I didn’t attend many LPs. I would have a chuckle at the GIFs that scrolled past, maybe throw the odd comment out, only for it to be lost amongst the thirsty chaos, but there really wasn’t much point as listening to nsfw audios with a crowd weren’t really something I was that into. If I ever attended, it was really only to show support to E and have a chuckle at the chat shenanigans. I spent most of my time during LPs with Fibs and Sarah. We would either be DMing or on VC in another server chatting while we played games or just hung out together.
Now, while it was pretty well known that LPs were a mazz-fest for some of the members, it recently came to my attention that E was using the LPs as an opportunity to engage with women on Lovense.
This may make me sound dumb, but I don’t care. I was not aware that this was going on while I was a member of that discord. I only learned about this recently. For almost my entire stint in that discord, I honestly believed that E did not want to be sexualised or engaging in that way with his patrons despite his content being largely nsfw. I’m of the opinion that just because you create nsfw content or sexualise yourself occasionally, doesn’t mean you consent to people sexualising you whenever they please. If you are someone who repeatedly tells your fanbase that you don’t like the objectification, or don’t want to be sexualised then, call me crazy but, I’m gonna respect that.
Honestly, it’s not a great feeling to realise that you were being lied to the entire time you were a member of a community that you cared about and, for the most part, you thought cared about you. Realising that you were taking part in events, games and vcs where the people around you were secretly sexting and masturbating for E, friends were secretly sexting… it’s like learning you were the subject of a joke amongst a mean clique. It makes you wonder who knew about it. Who was lying to you the entire time you thought you were getting to know these people, thought you were becoming friends with some of them. Were your close friends aware and lying to you? Is that why Sarah didn’t want to attend LPs? It would make more sense than her claims that he was suddenly “like a brother” to her.
This was supposed to be a safe space and, personally, I feel like honesty and transparency are integral to that. When I found out it felt like that entire place was a lie, not just him.
I know that most of those women wouldn’t have intended it to be malicious, they probably wouldn’t have even given it much thought, but that’s how it feels to learn these things were happening while you were defending a person against unwanted attention or “entitled” fans objectifying and taking advantage of his supposed good nature. Honestly, looking back at the amount of times I needlessly defended that man in the beginning makes me feel a little stupid and angry with myself for believing all of his lies. I remember someone had unsubbed and had the audacity to tell him that stopping the LPs was a bad move as they were the “best part” of the discord. At the time it had made me so angry that someone would only value the “sexual” side of him that I messaged him about it. In hindsight that comment makes more sense and now I just reinforces the fact that I was an idiot for caring about something that was obviously just a big joke to him.
He would read those comments defending him, everyone aware of what was going on would read those comments defending him. What were they all thinking when they read them? And this guy then has the audacity to lie to people about the fact he considered me a friend so that he can further his victim narrative. He has the audacity to tell those close to him that I was constantly trying to sext him.
Even if you believe nothing else, you can’t deny the fact he lied. Multiple times. He claimed he would never take advantage of his fanbase sexually. When questioned about rumours people had heard, he would deny it or blame women.
When called out publicly he changed his story. He’s allowed to have a personal life. Nothing was happening on the clock. When it became apparent this was also a lie the narrative changed again. He is a sex worker, silly, this is what he does.
I want to be clear about something: I know I have been upfront about my opinion of his OGs and closest friends being complicit to varying degrees in almost everything that has been happening over the past three years because, let’s not kid ourselves, there’s no way you could be close to him for years and not have at least some idea of what he was doing and the lies he was telling.
All of that aside, I’m not writing this to shame the patrons who were sexting him during events. While it doesn’t feel particularly nice to realise that so many of the women I liked were lying to me, and others, by omission while we were part of that community, I don’t really blame them. He was the one in a position of “power and influence” and he did the thing he claimed to never want to do.
He took advantage.
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